Work and Love (Nuria Ferrer)

One of my heroes, one of my colleagues, and one of my friends has weighed in with her beautiful 2 cents. In a twist, she's added 'work' a theme previous untouched in this still newborn blog. And there's a unique treatment of love as a freebie, a gift, ready for the taking. Read it for yourself.

"what matters to me is very clear: work and love.

now i'll proceed to complicate the shit with explanations. they get messy quick, because the one can't exist without the other. i feel like, in principle, work is selfish. it's what comes from inside you, from what you want to contribute to this aggregate life that we're all muddling through. it's what you would do anyway, even if you were alone, because of all you have learned and all you have seen. it's collaboration with excellent people, getting involved in the community you live in, talking to strangers, creating things, adding to the discussion. it's setting goals and trying to meet them, seeing how far you've come. it's setting yourself to a task, making yourself reliable and asking for help in return, learning that you don't get very far without trust and the sharing of burdens. it's making something that you can be proud of.

love is what's there, surprisingly, for the taking. something above and beyond what you would have asked for. it's also giving without expecting returns, finding your heart to be infinitely expansive, really believing that you would give yourself up for someone else. it's an imaginary buoy lodged in your chest. it's blue october skies and football if you were brought up on the east coast. it's tearing up at other people's graduations and birthdays and accomplishments. it's awe for the courage and steadfastness of your friends. it's seeing, and properly appreciating, the rarity and beauty of good people. it's believing when someone tells you they love you."

The other approach...

I need to find a way to construct two opposing fields on the blog page where I can list the theme words. My father has begun what I will call the "other approach". He's gone after the what doesn't matter list and I have to say, he's done a fine job. I can't say that he's got everything right. But not bad for a little ranting list. Not bad at all. Thanks, Dad. Here it is:

"Television (except for PBS), celebrity, CNN, rap music, night clubs, good looks, expensive cars, deodorant, other peoples relationships, cosmetics, women's magazines, religions that claim they have the only God, politicians, lobbyists, drugs and liquor, movies (for the most part), holding a grudge, narcisism, the Moral Majority, lawyers, doctors and nurses who don't care, re-building New Orleans, Iraq, technology, animal rights advocates,

People who don't matter: George Bush, Osama Bin Laden, Howard Stern, John Daly, Al Davis, Mark Cuban, Terrell Owens, O.J. Simpson, Floyd Landis, David Beckham, all the leaders of the entire Middle East, Tom Cruise...

I could go on and on, but YOU are the writer.

Walter Littenberg"

Laura Ryan's Perspective

Below lies a segment of a letter that a dear, dear and too often far away friend wrote in response to the launch of this blog and our inquisition into the most important themes/priorities/blessings in life to always keep present. Her name is Laura Ryan and she is a sharp little Irish/Mexican girl unlike any other. Thanks Lo for getting your hands dirty. As you'll see if you keep on reading, some themes are already starting to grow through. I'll see if I can find a way to get improve the blog but in the meantime, Lo speaks for herself.

"after my dad died i had a renewed perspective which i've tried to hold onto. but to be honest once the fear and sadness abated it was tragic how easy it was for me to go back to my old stance. well that's not entirely fair or true. i still feel a more intense joy for simple things and i feel like what i want in life and don't want is becoming much clearer. but it certainly is something i struggle to hold on to; even after such a clear realization. once the intensity dies down you have to sometimes remind yourself what you've learned.

my stab at it (what matters) which is still evolving and still is what i am coming to terms with in my daily life is this:

1) we should accept ourselves. now that doesn't mean we can't change or shouldn't grow and learn and improve who/what we are but i really feel first we should just try to accept. accept that within each one of us lies great potential in both positive and negative forms and it's ok to have both. everyone has both. trying to understand who i am and what my motivations are is important in some respects but those things seem transient. and the "who am i" realm seems kind of bullshitty to me. if i have self-love and confidence in myself, then who i am shouldn't matter a whole lot outside of that and i find it an impossible thing to define anyway. you should like that person but more importantly i think is to accept your values, your strengths, your faults. we are duplicitous and wonderfully complex beings. duality abounds. you should trust yourself to be tested and have limits pushed. and it's ok if you act in a way different to how you'd hoped or expected. i'm not as great and likewise not as bad as i thought. strive for more but also forgive yourself if you do something, something you are ashamed of or never thought you'd do. we're human. learn from it.

2) outside of the realm of the self, and in my opinion more importantly-- we should simply love. other people bring such joy into our lives and leave us with wonderful and not so wonderful things that challenge us and help us learn. our family is what matters. our friends matter. creating your own family (in whatever form of partner/friends, etc) matters. the people we call friends, family, husband, wife, partner, etc. are those that bring meaning to life. i need people. they help me grow, learn, survive, love and question. they share in my life's struggles and joys. without them my life is near meaningless.

so i guess acceptance of self and love of others. for me that's about everything. though i'd agree with your mother that creation is also important. in whatever form you choose, creation is a very worthy endeavor that matters too.

hope the cerebral discomfort you are feeling is short-lived, at least literally-speaking. all the best joe,

love lo"

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Everything is Illuminated #2

One can always count on one's mother to be the first to read his/her blog. My mother dove in and here's a little excerpt of what she felt matters with regards to the suicide-committing grandfather in Everything Is Illuminated. It can be seen in her posted comment, or below:

"So what matters? Courage matters. Learning to be who you are matters. Loving someone matters. Family matters. Memories matter. Creating matters.
The grandfather cannot change what didn't matter to him then. He can only change what matters to him now. He has many choices. He chooses to stop memory. To stop remembering. To stop living. Is he at peace with his decision? His grandson suggests, yes. It matters to him that his grandfather made that choice. New things matter to him now. His Judaism matters to him now. His friendship with Jonathon matters to him now. His life with his family matters." -Gaylord Littenberg

I preferred a little more of a thesis, moms. What really mattered to the grandfather? Listing words like "loving, family, creating, memories, etc." will not get us far. We need to ignite a debate. We need specifics.
One cliffs-notes-esque page claims, "It is Grandfather for whom everything is really illuminated at the end of the novel. He has come to terms with his past and present, and epiphanically feels forgiven for them both. He feels that he has everything for which Jonathan's relatives strove: love, happiness, peace. Even if there remains a place for fantasy in this vision, Grandfather's model of having one's life illuminated means being able to look to the past and present with satisfaction in whatever love one has had, and then to generate that shining love into the future."

Your thoughts????????

Everything is Illuminated #1

Tuesday, May 15, 2007
The first attempt.

Today I'll give somewhere to start and hope that someone will bite. In the film, Everything is Illuminated, based on the book (which I've not read) the grandfather commits suicide after confronting his past. He is happy to die there in the sunny bathroom, bathed in lukewarm red water. What did his re-encounter with the past make clear to him? Should he have been more true to his roots? Should he have fought in the moment and not abandoned his Judaism? Should he have stayed in Tranchimbrod and lived differently? Why does he kill himself? What mattered to him?

If you have an opinion, or can help me start this journey, please come along. I would love to open this up into a lifelong segment on this blog, something I'll organize and archive and just maybe we can get down to the bottom of it together.

Thank you.